This business of fomenting universal revolution and chaos is certainly hard on the purse. Have you seen what Officeworks is charging for red banners? And at the price of petrol these days, let alone bottles and rags…it would be you could do to set fire to even a medium-sized post office in between pension days.
I was hoping for a flood of tainted money from an international slush fund, but the lady I spoke to on the phone from Moscow said that they were out of rubles at present and I would have to take slush. In spring they apparently have an ample supply.
The other problem that has presented itself is the question of colour. No, not the different races of people who want to join and become revolutionaries and share in the revoloot…I mean the basic branding for the thing. The Russians had a red revolution, and the Ukrainians had an orange revolution and the farmers had a green revolution, but we need a fresh colour for ours. Yellow seems to have been taken by the Philippines and Blue Revolution is a radio network. They’ve got lawyers and the Donny Osmond show and I am loath to touch them.
Pink? Kyrgyzstan, apparently, and much good it has done them.
Brown? Well, Brown revolution leads us back to the dear old Ukraine and/or a soil fertility programme.
Black revolution? We’re not allowed to say anything bad about this, or anything good, or anything at all. And we’re not allowed to not mention this, or we will be racists. We are allowed to be racists if we promise to apologise for it and send money. As I am trying to save money, I must pass it by.
Purple? Aw, crap. That turns out to be the title of a book of memoirs by a British politician. British politicians are revolting enough without my help.
White evolution? Iran under the Shah had this and didn’t THAT work out a treat…
Okay, it seems that while we can probably make stirring stars for our banner that we can hold high over the barricades while singing something from Andrew Lloyd-Webber, the problem is that we will be hedging on or inviting in a whole lot of other undesirable causes. As a branding exercise it would be a mistake – we need a new colour to flaunt…
Lime. We will have the Lime revolution. Everyone likes limes. They are small, round, zingy, and you can put them in everything from tarts to cocktails. A revolution based on tarts and cocktails is bound to attract attention. You used to be able to get lime panel vans and Euclid made lime-coloured belly-dump trucks. Lime jello is the party favourite of all the parties. We will be painting our flags, motor cars, and multi-engined bombers a bright lime green. It will have the advantage of allowing us to be easily seen and shot down.
The next requirement will be a figurehead – someone to whom the down trodden can look up to and say ” Stop treading me down! “…
Positions open Monday. CV with a small picture, please. Preference will be given to applications that are accompanied by a slice of Key Lime tart.