Selling The Truth Part Four: After Sales Service


It is an uncomfortable fact of legal life here in Western Australia that anything we sell has a one-year warranty. Even if the manufacturer of something has just dumped a shipping container of it at low tide on Coogee Beach and headed out to sea again, the retailer who sells it has to stand by it for 12 months.

This does not make goods better, or best, but it does tend to keep the retailers from latching onto the worst of the rubbish that flows out of Asia with the view to dumping it on the mouth breathers of Perth. It can go to the mouth breathers of country areas…

If truth is a product that can be bought and sold, it too will come under this legislation. Whatever idea someone pays for has to function adequately for 365 days. Adequately…not necessarily well. Adequately as in not bursting into flames or eating through the glass bottle. And here lies a difficult situation; how many things are true a year after they are written, heard, or seen? How many ideas can stand the test of even a little bit of time?

The spectacle of the digital camera trade is enough to give the truth-seller a somber moment. New digital cameras are marvellous for a week, great for another 5 days, interesting until Sunday night about 9:30, and dead fish for ever after. It is fortunate that the better Japanese makers can make cameras that last for several years…escaping the state strictures. They sometimes get caught by dodgy quality control that allows shutters or mirrors to fail very quickly but if they are smart they whisk the defectives away and slaughter them out of the sight of the populace. The cameras I mean. Goodness, what minds you all have…

For the Truth Store ™ the problem will be to select things for sale that are going to work past the one-year mark. Not so much as a matter of honour and decency and beauty – we are talking about the Backstabbers Guild Of Australia after all – but as a way of limiting legal troubles.

We will have to concentrate on easy things at first, that may not have a big margin. Things like  ” Gravity makes things fall down. ” or ” Egg salad sandwiches from the servo in summer are a bad idea.” to get us going. Ah, I didn’t actually mean to make a joke about the egg salad and going but we’ll let that one pass. Frequently. Oh, dear…

Right. When people have come to trust us we can put out the more delicate truths about sex and politics and religion and with a bit of luck most of these will still be in operation by 2017. After that we will be providing a pre-paid transport service to a warm destination for anyone who complains. It’s a secret exactly where, but we can give you a hint; the vehicles are hand baskets…



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