I am the worst kind of Sunday Driver. 68 years old, White. Male. Wear a hat in the car. Drive a Suzuki Swift. Drive at or under the speed limit. In the left hand lane.
By doing this I piss off everybody:
A. The police, who do not make any money from me on the Multinova speed cameras set up around the town. ( Passed one in a 60 kph zone today doing 58 kph. Deprived the state government of $ 150. Suffer, you bastards.)
B. The young who are in a terrible hurry to get somewhere. If the somewhere is hell, which many of them are headed for, they need not be concerned. Whenever they arrive, it will be open and they’ll get in.
C. The Subcontinental Rich. Don’t ask me why, but I get rude gestures and shouted imprecations in Hindi from passing Mercedes Benz sedans. I do not wear political banners on my bumper bars and I never make eye contact or point revolvers at them. I think they just like to score aggression points when they think they can do it safely*.
D. Women of a certain age. Who see a man in a hat in a car and recognise that he is likely to be timid or careful on the road. Thus they fell they can be nasty and get away with it. Like finding an antisocial treasure chest.
E. The Powerful and Grim. The sight of a grasshopper green Suzuki Swift acts upon the brains of people who drive large powerful grey or black cars like a red rag is said to act on a bull. It enrages them. They loom, swerve, flash, and otherwise behave badly. I can only assume that colour distresses them. I cannot imagine what they do in the clothing store when the season changes – perhaps they pull all the sweaters off the racks and jump on them.
I do not own a dash cam for the car, and probably will never get one – because I do not care to review the foolish behaviour of others. But I do carry a Fuji X camera with me on a lot of journeys – and I get to record what happens. Thus the stoplight pest window scratcher and the crass licence plate are captured for posterity. And it posterity is not careful, it will have to see them forever…
- Actually, I would never point a pistol at a sepoy. Not only would it be illegal under Western Australian firearms laws, it would be terribly inaccurate and short-ranged. A .577 three-band Enfield percussion rifled musket, on the other hand, can effectively deal with them out to 1200 yds. And I am very good with a rifled musket…