It’s A Man’s Life In The Irreligious Police

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Division 1. Are you tired of namby-pamby treatment for criminal teenagers? Are you disgusted with the way that women get away with having sex or riding in motor cars with people who are not their male relatives? Is the thought that other people will not obey you causing you to lose sleep? Well, take heart – the Religious Police have a place for you today.

You’ll be trained by real men – men who are not afraid to snoop in hotel registers for names that sound Muslim. Men who are prepared to skulk in hotel corridors at all hours of the day and night. Men who fearlessly uphold the 13th century!

Oh, you’ll need to be tough. There will be long hours at the telephone waiting for informants to settle old scores with their neighbours by denouncing them. And you’ll be out on patrol in all hours – standing at street corners to see if women are driving a car or if someone is carrying concealed beer. Or eating in Ramadan. Or not going to the mosque. Or not paying to the mosque.

But you’ll be doing the work of Allah. And of the Prophet. And the Mullah. And the assistant Mullah. And the chap with the business rival. Hard work. savage work. Work that will be profitable, if you know what I mean. Eh? Eh? Say no more…

 

Division 2. Are you tired of namby-pamby treatment for criminal teenagers? Are you disgusted with the way that women get away with having sex or riding in motor cars with people who are not their male relatives? Is the thought that other people will not obey you causing you to lose sleep? Well, take heart – the Neo-Soviet State Militia have a place for you today.

You’ll be trained by real men – men who are not afraid to snoop in hotel registers for names that sound Western. Men who are prepared to skulk in hotel corridors at all hours of the day and night. Men who fearlessly uphold the Revolution!

Oh, you’ll need to be tough. There will be long hours at the telephone waiting for informants to settle old scores with their neighbours by denouncing them. And you’ll be out on patrol in all hours – standing at street corners to see if women are driving a car or if someone is carrying concealed beer. Or eating in secret. Or not going to the party rally . Or not paying to the party rally.

But you’ll be doing the work of the Revolution. And of the Fearless Leader. And the Commissar. And the assistant Commissar. And the chap with the business rival. Hard work. savage work. Work that will be profitable, if you know what I mean. Eh? Eh? Say no more…

 

Division 3. Are you tired of namby-pamby treatment for criminal teenagers? Are you disgusted with the way that women get away with not having sex or riding in motor cars with people who are their male relatives? Is the thought that other people will not obey you causing you to lose sleep? Well, take heart – the Council Rangers have a place for you today.

You’ll be trained by real men – men who are not afraid to snoop in bins for recyclables. Men who are prepared to skulk near parking meters at all hours of the day and night. Men who fearlessly uphold the Council regulations!

Oh, you’ll need to be tough. There will be long hours at the telephone waiting for informants to settle old scores with their neighbours by denouncing them. And you’ll be out on patrol in all hours – standing at street corners to see if women are driving a car or if someone is carrying concealed beer. Or eating in the library. Or not going to the council elections . Or not paying to the Clerk of Council.

But you’ll be doing the work of Local Government. And of the Mayor. And of the Deputy Mayor. And the chap with the business rival. Hard work. savage work. Work that will be profitable, if you know what I mean. Eh? Eh? Say no more…

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