Trollin’ For Dollars


Perhaps I am wrong about retail trade in a holiday season. Perhaps it is foolish to think of a religious celebration without attaching commerce to it – after all, worshipping money is still worshipping something. And Mammon can afford some pretty flash temples these days…

I see the desire to sell, and its idiot brother – the desire to buy – attached to the Christian’s festival of Christmas. I firmly approved of this as a child as I always got Christmas presents. People might forget that kids don’t generally have much money – and us good kids never had theft from our mother’s purses as a source of supply. Allowances were sensible, and frugal, and we were debarred from the bigger objects of desire by the fact that they cost $ 5.95 plus sales tax and we had 50¢. So Christmas was the time that supplied good big stuff. It even beat a birthday.

Lately I see that Hanukkah has also spurred retailers on to sales and offers. I daresay Chinese New Year will do it too, and I’ll bet there are religious days for the Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, and everyone else that used to be spiritual but have become commercial. The money changers are not merely in the temple, but have opened a Starbucks and a Prada outlet in there as well.

No harm in buying, giving, and getting presents. And standing in line at K mart to exchange them in two days. But perhaps it would be more honest to do it around a day openly dedicated to it, rather than pin it on a miracle or a saviour or a god. Be honest: it’s social business and should have its own day not tainted with superstition.

” State Day Of Greed ” doesn’t sound right. ” Gimmeegimmee ” likewise may go well in outback communities but won’t appeal to the more intellectually developed. ” Mammontide ” is a possibility – and particularly if you go further; instead of votaries as you have in religions, you have mammaries. Everyone will be interested in those…

I think that ” More Day ” is the best choice. You buy more, you give more, you eat more. It will be followed by  ” Bloating Day ” in Commonwealth countries with the third day of the period known variously as ” Returnstag ” or “Jour de Réfuse ” in various European nations. Sales and promotions for More Day can be held with an cheerful disregard for religious sentiment or sympathy for the poor. Of course some people may wish to go around and give them presents anyway, or at least offer them a discount on sales of water and weevilly bread – there are do-gooders in every culture and you will never stamp them out.

Now all we need to do is think up a mutually-acceptible date for More Day. And a cartoon figurehead. Jolly but venal. Slightly sinister, and wearing a funny set of clothes.

And you can’t nominate Donald Trump. And he can’t nominate himself.


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