The New Porn

NP

Every week I read about something being the new porn. ” Camera Porn ” for pictures of photographic equipment. ” ” Car Porn ” for pictures of Ferraris and Lotuses. ” Food Porn ” for all sorts of fancy dishes on all sorts of fancy dishes. Apparently we are tired of the old stuff.

I am unsure how to proceed. Do we buy and hide copies of  ” DIGITAL CAMERA WEEKLY ” and ” ROAD & TRACK ” under the mattress? Do we stand in newsagents thumbing through cookbooks? Do we need a grubby mack, as opposed to a Big Mac?

And how are we to respond to the advertisements?  ” Girl with big block 407 for sale. Ring 334-9007 for an expensive, oily, and noisy time.”…Hmmm. Is it hot in here or is it just me?

In one way it is somewhat of a relief to older people. We have gone through the earlier lusts and come out somewhat disillusioned with them all. They lied in the army. They don’t go horizontal in Asia – they are just the same as they are are everywhere else. And never mind what you can do with straps, boots, and pop rivets. After a certain age all they are good for is fixing lawn furniture and all you want to do is sit in the furniture in the shade and hope that the neighbour finishes mowing their damn lawn soon.

New Porn will give us something to look forward to. Furtively, we hope. I’m not sure if I want to see a centerfold of a Maserati covered in puff pastry and cooked in a moderate oven, but if they can include a lens review of the new Flapoflex 45mm f:1.9 Flaponar I’ll buy a copy. And read it in the toilet.

 

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