A Merry Christmas To All

Christmas2003

I hope that this message gets to all the relevant recipients on the right day – I can’t really figure out when WordPress sends my stuff out to North America or South Canada or the European Bunion so I will fire it late on Australia’s Christmas Eve and hope it bursts over your trenches at the appropriate time.

While I think of it…Hey! to the Sultan of Brunei and the President of Somalia who have banned Christmas in their fiefdoms. I’d invite you to a glass of beer and a slice of honey-cured ham if you were here at our place. Really I would. Your security guards, billions in oil money, and funny little hats and beards notwithstanding. I figure everyone deserves a bit of Christmas cheer. Even miserable bastards.

But, but, but, you say…weren’t you fiddling around with a funny candlestick and a dreidel a little while ago? How do you come off wishing people a Happy Christmas? What about the Jam Doughnut Brigade?

Well, I read Tom Paine and Ben Franklin and Voltaire too, and that doesn’t stop me from appreciating a cheerful populace having a good time eating a drinking and giving each other presents. I shall fall in with all the rest and do just as they do and enjoy myself immensely. I have the added advantage this year that I have not had to be behind a servitor’s counter in the run up to Christmas, nor will I have to be there to deal with the inevitable return of goods. I can stand off at the side and observe the commercial artillery duel.

Tomorrow ( 25th) sees me at a posh hotel circling the seafood buffet like a seagull. There will be pickled herring, and prawns, and scallops. The turkey can live to a ripe old age and spend its declining years in front of television watching Ellen Degeneres for all I care, but me and the seafood have a date. Also the plum pudding with brandy sauce. I’m not driving and it’s gonna show…

So – do eat as well as you can, give each other little mementos, stay inside and watch old movies, and if the Sultan of Brunei breaks down in the road outside your house, invite the surly little son of a bitch in for a cup of egg-nog, eh?

 

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