A Bad Day In Bangalore

Singapore 2014 786

I have just had the most marvellous telephone call from India. Or perhaps it was from East Pakistan. Hard to tell in the brief period involved.

Of course it had the necessary silence before the actual call – and the busy static as the caller came onto the phone. That sound of the steam laundry in the background and the subcontinental accent we know so well…

I answered the ” Hello “, with ” Good Afternoon “. The caller then asked me if I was always so rude! This…on Good Afternoon…? The next thing I said was ” May I Help You?” and the response was I couldn’t help him because I was so ***ing rude and stupid. And he hung up. Presumably in a Dudgeon, or a Huff. Or a Snit. Well, it was one of those little foreign cars anyway…

This is entirely a new departure in the normal run of scam phone calls – they generally want me to go to a computer and give them my credit card details. It is a tiresome slow thing sometimes as the caller reads from a script, but it does give me time to frame a suitable response – and up until now my response has been to allow them to lead me through the computer keyboard hoops until it eventually dawns on them that I am looking at an iMac keyboard instead of a Windows one. Then they abruptly ring off. I am gentle and polite, so as to not frighten the game…

I once was offended by these scam calls but lately I have relished them. They are fun to listen to. I wonder if there is to be a new wave of curry-flavoured abuse around the 2:00 each day? I must be ready with my Peter Sellers accent. Or I may be able to get an acquaintance from Singapore to school me in Singlish. Is it?



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