The Joys And Sorrows Of Old Werther


And if you understand that reference you goethe the top of the class…

No, this is for the old folks, so anyone under the age of 65 for men and 60 for women can wander away and play with their mobile phones.

I’m just freshly retired. Which means I still shave every morning and go out of the house wearing shoes. As I am a novice to this business – and refuse to take the well-meaning advice of the counsellor-class – I am going to have a voyage of discovery before me. Columbus and me…

I must say at the outset that I pooh-poohed the idea of retirement up until 8 weeks ago. I was unsure of the financial side of it and did not want to allow some governmental busybody or private buccaneer to overlook my moneys. I have avoided that but have concluded that if I am careful I can eat more than I can excrete for a number of decades more. I may have to rob mail coaches to do so, but I look forward to the opportunity.

I have secured a position in retirement that allows me to kibbitz my old employer. I shall be gentle…not out of decency or good character…more to avoid spooking the game. If I am to write for them I need them to talk to me and it is no good trying to shout through a barricaded office door. I am hoping that I will still be able to find out shameful secrets and industry disasters so that I can use the information for blackmail. Blackmail is getting harder to do these days – everyone has the net and the juiciest stories get out there in about 4 minutes flat. I may have to invent a few horrifying tales.

The younger people have the advantage of bodily strength, beauty, and stamina in their approach to each other. They have not, however, pee’d on enough of life’s electric fences to be wary yet. They do not have the memory of enough events that were real – not a Marvel comic or a Hollywood blockbuster  – to know the real story. I have that knowledge, as do may of my contemporaries, and we can use it to advantage.

We have been caught once, and will not be caught again. Indeed, many of us now run trap lines in the social woods and conduct a profitable trade in the pelts. I have a bundle of exceptionally fine emotional mink that would make a glorious coat…

Heading Image. Frank The Impaler. When he talks you get the point.



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