I cannot stand it any more. I have to join in. I am hereby announcing my candidacy.
Those of you in the United States can now officially resign from the Democratic or Republican or Tea parties.
Those of you here in Australia can send back your Liberal or Labour lapel pins and stop attending the fund-raisers.
The German readers can get those portraits of Wilhelm II out of the attic and dust them off – I am going to campaign for Head Of Everything.
Of course there will be objections – let us take them in turn. In this post I will address the American Presidency for 2016. I would have advanced it a year but my current job is still going and I want a bit of a holiday before I commence absolute power.
The first objection to my becoming the Incumbent is that I am not currently an American citizen. I was once, but it did not stick. This seems to be trifling – the current President didn’t fill all of the requirements for the office either and he has been in the Oval Office for nearly two terms. There would appear to be wiggle room.
The second objection is that I am not a woman and it is now their turn to screw up the country. Well, Goodness – if Bruce Jenner can pee with the seat down, so can I. I’m not one to let a set of chromosomes stand between me and the White House.
Third objection is that I do not have a foreign policy. This is a blatant lie – I do have one. I intend to be kind to foreigners within the national boundaries – this is a matter of gentlemanly conduct. I also intend to be kind to them when in their own countries – this is a matter of wise discretion. Upon neutral ground I shall be slow, gentle, and polite, to give time for the laser designators to settle onto target.
Of course there will be the questions about domestic policy. I intend to see who is under to dome before I get out the stick. No good chasing them down the road.
Please stay tuned for my rousing nomination speech, candidate’s debate, and startling haircut.