Outsourcery – Or How To Make Everything Disappear

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Everything? Well, perhaps not quite everything. But certainly efficiency, good will and motivation – you can make that bloody well vanish.

Couldn’t post this at work – we decided it would risk retaliation. Can post it here, because I welcome retaliation at home. It gives me an excuse to take things off the wall…

A colleague had a job to do and needed to do it on the phone. The firm that he needed to speak to had outsourced their phone calls, help desk, and doughnut go-fer to Elsewhere. Elsewhere is possibly a nice place. Pittsburg is possibly a nice place, as is Bogota or Irkutsk…

In Elsewhere they answer phones and transfer you. They managed to do this for over an hour and a half yesterday while my colleague got alternately mad, sad, and bad. We wrested the cup of hemlock from his fingers before he could drink it but it was a near-run thing in the end. No-one in Elsewhere could or would help or take responsibility. And this for a firm that vaunts its instant response. I should hate to think what a considered time structure would be Рpresumably something glacial.

The firm concerned needs to either stop lying to us or stop lying to themselves. They do not have an efficient office structure. They have Elsewhere.

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