The Semi – Annual Trip To Hades

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It is fun to see other people suffer – from a distance. When you are right in there amongst them being bayonetted it tends to lose its charm.

Went to a semi-annual conference today of people who are connected to each other in business – a group of retailers who have decided to circle their stores and fend off the Indians from inside the perimeter. The Indians turn out to be other major retailers who apparently ride in a circle and fire flaming arrows at the first group. I’ll tell you – along about the end of the first hour of presentations I could have done with one of those arrows myself.

I’m not a meeting person. Like many of us I have had lectures, workshops, seminars, meetings, annual gatherings, and conferences  for 5o years and by now they are coming out of my wazoo. I can stand parades – parades are fun if you don’t mind standing for long periods, because eventually you get to march off and find a canteen. Seminars restrict you to an urn of vile coffee and plates of dodgy biscuits.

Most meetings do not do anything, except annoy the meeters. Whatever information needs to be imparted is better done with a piece of paper, an email, or a pistol shot. Disciplinary matters are best dealt with quietly, as there is less chance of tipping off the culprits or of fomenting revolution.

In today’s case it seemed to be salesmen selling salesmanship to salesmen. Frantic and ever-so-slightly incestuous. At several points we heard the phrase ” game changer “. I stood it, but vowed that if they also said ” paradigm ” I was going to dive out the window. I cannot say whether or not whatever was being sold, sold, but I am pleased to be able to report that eventually it finished and I was permitted to leave. Presumably our business will not buy a time-share apartment on the Gold Coast or a roll printer, but we’ll find this out on Tuesday.

Because Tuesday is the day we have the – weekly – meeting. I never sit near the window in case the temptation proves too much…

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