We have just received notification from our inkernet supplier that henceforth we will not be able to post articles that have non-explicit content. This means in practical terms that every image will have to show nipples.
Quite apart from the outrage that this causes amongst the champions of freedom of speech, it is going to prove to be very hard to do. This blog in large part deals with motor cars and modern vehicles are increasingly being equipped with sealed bearings. Many of the new polymer materials never need greasing. It will be difficult to find nipples.
It has been suggested that we substitute tits. Fair enough, but these little birds are native to the northern hemisphere and do not appear naturally in Australia. I am loathe to import them just for the pictures as there are severe laws about fauna protection. Goodness, you only have to release a couple of dozen starlings here in Western Australia to celebrate a Goth wedding and the Agriculture Department is ringing you at all hours…
I suppose we could always do beaver shots. So far I have collected one Schleich model and I daresay there must be more in the stuffed toy department of Toys R Us or Target. Seems a bit lame to have to prop one up in every picture, though, and if you keep on using it all the plush fur will come off and you are going to end up with a hairless beaver. Not an attractive prospect.
Showing dirty images has also been suggested as a ploy to get around the restrictions. This is possibly the way to go because not only can we take a picture of a lot of different sorts of dirt per se, but many of the older images of people and hot rods and kittens and food can be dirtied up in Photoshop. Indeed there are a lot of plug-in programs that promise “grunge” and “rust” at the click of the mouse.
I hope that we are not going to be required to start swearing more on our web pages – I have never been good at it. Cursing, yes – I can do a good curse, and with a bit of luck it will come true for the victim…pits of fire and plagues of frogs and that sort of thing. And if pressed to it I can even dig the fire pit and breed up the frogs myself in a bucket. Curses are practicable.
I wonder if I could try on on the inkernet people, just to see if it works…