Every day brings a number of new emails to our home computer designed to create wealth. In the case of eBay it is to create it in the pockets of the shipping companies – for the financial advisers it is to increase it in their own bank accounts. Some of these bank accounts are held in Australia – some in Switzerland – and some in the Cayman Islands. Our great democratic system grants us the freedom to send as much as we like to them with no need to worry about getting it back.
Closer to home we have a number of institutions who are also willing to help us manage our money. The Australian Taxation Office – that is the Deputy Commissioner there in the black and white picture at the top of the blog – is always available to ease the pressure of excess possession. His colleagues arrange to send out letters every three months to see if we have accumulated anything. I would be maligning the man if I said he is doing it out of spite – he is a public servant after all and service from Canberra is always done with a smile. And to be fair, if you pay his office too much money during the year he gives some of it back to you. The bills are wrinkled and covered in makeup – I think they have been thrust down the G Strings of departmental strippers but then I can quite understand that situation…
Keeping your money in a sock under the bed has always had a bad rap, though not from house-breakers. Generally the inflation that accompanies us insures that anything you save becomes worth a great deal less – as opposed to the money that you spend and invest wisely that eventually becomes worth a great deal less. Those wishing to break this cycle are advised to discover an vast pool of oil under their property and to adopt a savage religion to prevent it being pumped away by other people.
Of course there is always the legacy route to riches – this was favoured by the Romans as they were also pretty good at arranging for the legate to languish and the legatee to leg it with the loot. There are a number of safeguards to prevent this these days but as workers in some industries have discovered, it is possible to unbolt guards and still operate the machinery.
I favour the Holdfast method. Once money enters the hand, it never leaves. Old clothes are worn until fear of indecent exposure compels a trip to the cheap clothing store. Leftovers are considered a delicacy, particularly as the alternative is going hungry. Transportation is via the cheapest method – though this may indeed be a small motor car. Wild entertainments are had at the expense of others – paid for in gratitude and snivelling. Domestic pets are only pets until they are big enough and you are hungry enough.
In fact, the only expenses apart from the bare necessities of life are the attentions of paid women and rare antique books. In some cases the books are on the subject of paid women and you can economise.