The New Facebook Section – George Would Be Proud


Those of you who purchased the George Hayduke books in the 1980’s before Paladin Press had their little “incident” will remember how much fun they were. Some of the ideas did not translate too well out of North America, but there were a surprising number of them that could be used in other parts of the world. Of course there are a lot of the sections that are out-of-date now that we have the internet and national security agencies sifting all of our communications, but this just adds to their period charm. And we mustn’t forget that there are many new avenues opened by these new developments.

One of the constant features of our life now is Facebook – that delightful free program that lets you see what your friends are doing. They post  – you read – and the natural need for views of other people’s dinners and pets is fulfilled without the need to travel to their homes or risk getting bitten. You can pick up many good tips about living and have your political opinion all sorted out for you even before you enter the polling booth. No-one need feel alone when there are pictures of cats…

At this point someone usually says that Facebook is a waste of time and sucks away all their productive energies – well this is just silly – you are the one posting and reading and if there is some detrimental effect in over-indulgence it is really self-generated. You could do the same thing with whiskey or television or Queensland politics, which leads to the interesting speculation of seeing what a Queensland Minister For Roads looks like on television when he is reading his Facebook during Cocktail Hour. Correction; Hours. Facebook, if a sin, is self-punishing.

Recently it occurred to me that as the REB of the BGA it behooves me to make the most of this new phenomenon for Guild purposes. The business of sending endless game requests and selfies taken in nightclub toilets is old-hat – done to death. No spark. Something new was needed. Fortunately the computer wizards have come up with the very thing.

Inside the axial-HTAN program itself in certain computers is buried a set of commands that will send selected pictures, histories, and encoded information anywhere in the world  – neither the subject nor the recipient can do anything to stop this and it works even if their computers are not connected to the internet, turned off, and have the batteries removed. In some cases the material even goes to computers that have been left out on the side of the road for verge collection. Indeed in an experiment conducted earlier this week a set of defamatory files was sent to a Atari Game Boy that had been thrown out in 1985. The information was in dots, but they were still defamatory dots…

I was delighted to discover this facility built into my own computer and have been trying it out. Contact was made with a ring of Nigerians with connections to deceased dictators, Swiss banks, and corrupt governmental officials and many of the friends on my Facebook page were added to their lists. An Indian office of Microsoft Technical Services that deals with computer viruses was most grateful for the telephone numbers that we supplied, as well as a schedule showing when the persons on those numbers were most likely to be eating dinner. And isn’t ” someone ” going to be surprised when he sees his Russian bride…mind you, not half as surprised as Olga…

Of course there will be some who think this a mean thing to do. This sort of reaction is the sort of thing we see when we butter the steps of the Old – People’s Home or let snakes loose in the orphanage. The Guild has never been deterred by this sort of petty mindedness. We have a job to do, and By Golly we do it.




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