You Know You Are Doomed When…

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You know you are doomed when:

1. Your wife says ” I’ve been thinking…”

Take a good look at the curtains, patio, car, retirement fund, current religion…and try to remember every detail. These will soon be gone.

2.  The words HR Director appear anywhere in a workplace bulletin. This means that someone thinks that human lives are a resource, like blue asbestos, or whale oil, or Chinese babies. Soon the resource will be explored and then exploited. No-one will be happy.

3. The word ” levy” appears in a written communication. If it is spelled with a small “L” it means it is from the government and they want you give them money and then file off and get more and come back and give it to them. If you do not do this they will file you themselves.

If it is spelled with a Capital “L” it means that someone named Levy wants you to file off and…

4. Lighten up, Levy. And no, I don’t want to contribute. You get the blue box twice a year and that’s enough, already…

5. The red and blue flashing light and siren start up behind you. And you’re in the checkout at Woolworth’s…

6. The words ” Singer-Songwriter ” appear. Plunge a knife into your heart before the music starts.

7. Someone comes in the shop door and shouts out ” Mate! “. It does not matter whether that is Check, Coffee, or otherwise – something is going to leave a bad taste in the mouth.

8. The boss asks for a favour. See 7. You’re going to have to stop drawing pentangles and lighting candles in the future.

9. The lady in front of you at the servo pulls out the handful of discount vouchers. Some of them are written in Aramaic…

10. The Salvation Army lassie presses a dollar in your hand and says ” There, there “…. and you are dressed in your best suit…


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