Zombies – The Fools Guide To Hollywood


Zombie Apocalypse is the word, and the word has been made rotting flesh by that great god – Hollywood – and they seek to have it dwell amongst us. Perhaps I am being unfair – the film makers of England and the continent may have had some part in it – but most of it is North American film making. Film making and writing for various media – and each successive iteration of the idea sillier than that last.

Please do not tell me the science of reanimation as imagined by the script writers. Or the positively true and absolute history of zombies that your cousin’s teacher said happened in Edmonton in 2011 but they never put it in the papers…If you want to tell me a tall tale, make it a charming one – give me princesses and enchanted frogs and presidents who did not have sex with that woman. Don’t seek to frighten me with rotting corpses and eery mist drifting through the trees. I can do eery mist too- an Esky full of dry ice and a cup of water. I have seen rotting corpses, and they just …rot.

I hasten to add that you can frighten me, but it takes reality rather than the make-up truck to do it. I can see people driving on the roads that do it to me – some customers can do it over the sales counter. I have seen enthusiasts at firing ranges that made me get right back into my car and come home for the day.

I used to get frightened by the prospect of Soviet attack. I didn’t realise at the time that it was mostly bluff. This makes me look a little more carefully at other threats that are presented to us by the media right now. I have gotten more cynical in 60 years as I see more of the machinery of greed and power, but I still preserve some little nubbin of fear for what I see as real threats.

How the hell did we get this zombie cult thing going? Was it just one movie or was it a combination of media presentations and clever marketing? I suspect the Goldfische brothers had a hand in it – Sam, Irving, and Myron were always keen publicity men. If anyone was going to make a fortune out of fulminating nonsense it was them. I thought it had died back in the 1950’s but they brought it back to lurching life. I dread to see what they are going to do with the next 4 years when we might realistically expect a series of authentic movies on the subject of the first World War. What we get will be anyone’s guess.

But I’ll bet it oozes.

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